


Scattered Leaves

by kvhottieOldFics (kvhottie)



Category: Prince of Tennis (TV), Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 17:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 8,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kvhottie/pseuds/kvhottieOldFics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>30 Days of Drabble: A collection of memories and moments of the both blissful, and sometimes painful parts of Fuji and Tezuka's time together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginning

Where did this all start? There is not a moment in which Fuji does not ask himself this question. What is so great about this rigid, stiff, cold person? Fuji's eyes open for a few awe inspiring seconds, the pacific blue of his eyes swimming in highlights of the setting sun. His glance darts across the tennis court and jabs at the proud standing figure on the other side. Fuji tries to be subtle, but his almost unconscious bluntness gets in his way. Their eyes have met at this point countless times, as if Tezuka is always waiting for Fuji to steal a glance.

Hazel meets blue. A blue so strikingly deep that anyone would be devoured by their enchantment, so utterly lost in everything they hide.

But he never was.

This is where it all started; from the very first time Tezuka was able to look away, unscathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be my first piece of work posted here since it's one of my favorites. Later works I post will be older and it will be obvious my writing has evolved and devolved in certain places. My writing style is all a work in progress.


	2. Accusation

The small changing room is draped by late afternoon blue-grey, small droplets of new rain running down the windows. Fuji feels the air's tense hands wrapping around his throat, tightening their grip until it is hard to breathe. He clenches his hands until his knuckles turn white, "If this will cause trouble, then take me out of the team."Tezuka walks closer to Fuji, his eyes showing dangerous amusement at what the other had just said. "Would you be fine with that?"

This is the side of Tezuka that Fuji has come to know a bit too well recently. They both play dirty; reading too deeply into each other's hearts and prodding at emotions they each try to keep hidden. But Tezuka always has the upper hand."I'd be fine."

"Liar." Tezuka whispers into Fuji's ear, his voice creeping into Fuji's thoughts. "You are a horrible liar."


	3. Restless

Tezuka holds his breath in an attempt to be quieter but still, the sound of his door sliding open echoes into the darkness. His traditional home amplifies even the smallest creak, guiding the sound like band marchers through the paper-thin walls. But this does not stop him. He quietly treads towards the garden in an attempt to cool off his body. He desperately wants to forget the dream he had just woken up from, drenched in sweat that was too warm for end-of- fall weather.

He sits down by the edge of the wooden walkway and stares up at the midnight-blue enveloped moon. It reminds him of the lust hued orbs he had seen in his dream, a blue just a tone darker than the blue that usually challenges him. They rested just above rosy pink cheeks and bruised lips from which escaped a lewd, begging voice.

"Fuji", he groans as he puts his hands to his face, "let me sleep."


	4. Snowflake

I have always watched him walk away from me, his broad shoulders stiff and his back straight. I have stared at his back countless times, wondering what makes it seem so lonely. Like the numerous snowflakes on his light brown hair, which stand alone even within a crowd, his back calls for company.

Since when has the yearning to be his company start to bubble up inside me? Like full- powered-faucet-water being poured into a shot glass, this yearning is gushing out.

I dash to him.

I take out my umbrella as an excuse to stay by his side; the snowfall becomes a justification for my unusual behavior. Dawning my brightest smile, I hold on to the quiet hope that he can tell this one is genuine. And in the frosted silence I thank him, for letting me walk besides him after all these years of chasing.


	5. Daze

Whether the walls are white, beige, or blue; all colors start to look the same with a fever of 103. Fuji studies the nurse's office in a fever-crazed state while waiting for sleep to overcome him. The nurse had stepped out for a while, leaving a boiling Fuji under neatly tucked sheets.

Fuji sighs and lets his eyes lids fall heavily over his eyes. Sleep starts to ghost over him, only to be shortly interrupted by the quiet squeak of the office's sliding door.

Heavy footsteps slowly approach Fuji's bed. As the person comes closer Fuji recognizes the scent, it belongs to Tezuka. But although Fuji wants to open his eyes and stare up at this unexpected visitor, he cannot. And with his eyes welded shut and body unable to move, he just lies there.

Fuji feels Tezuka's cold finger gently caress his burning cheek. And after a few blissful moments, soft lips touch his forehead. Fuji asks the gods to let him move for just second, so he could hold on to Tezuka's hand and beg him not to leave.

But Tezuka leaves as quickly as he appeared.

A fever makes men brave. And Fuji wonders if Tezuka is suffering from a fever worse than his.


	6. Flame

Emotions are a powerful thing, especially when you are used to always keeping them in check. You let yourself be controlled by the stream of desires oozing out of you, never stopping once to think about your actions. The more you accomplish, the deeper you dig yourself into a hole of pleasure, and the greedier you get.

But I just cannot help it; he has been teasing me for far too long.

Fuji's lips make me forget everything: my 'ice berg' nickname, my stiff shoulders, my control, and my pride. He thinks I will take this as a joke, but he has gone too far. This is what happens when you lock up a good dog for too long, once out, he goes wild.

I slam him against a locker and take his lips again. When our warm tongues wrap around each other I feel him shudder. They lie when they say that kisses give you butterflies, much the opposite. A kiss with Fuji is electrifying, as if some godly figure is sending bolts through my body. It is already too hot for me to function.

But I want it to be hotter.

So hot that we melt into each other and can no longer tell our temperatures apart.


	7. Formal

Fuji is honestly surprised when Tezuka approaches him. They have never spoken much outside of practice, especially since that sudden, late afternoon affair.

"I need to talk to you."

Fuji tries to kill the hope that those few words give him. He wonders if Tezuka knows how much control he has over him; how far Fuji would go just to hear more of his voice.

They walk to a place safe from curious ears.

Fuji cannot help but notice that Tezuka is stiffer than ever, is he nervous? His proud back seems to be bending over from doubt and hesitation. Fuji wants to reach forward to ask what is wrong; where did his shimmering confidence go?

But Tezuka turns around before Fuji has the chance, his eyes filled with determination. "Go out with me."

Fuji feels a rush of relief-dipped laughter almost escape his mouth, like if his pent up frustrations were leaking out of him. This scene is almost comical. They have done everything backwards, drowned in each other before truly falling in love. Yet, Tezuka still holds on to these four simple words.

Fuji feels like he is choking on the immensity of his love for this man. His breath catches and lumps up in his throat, mixing with the laughter he did not let out.

He just nods. Hoping that the gentle smile formed on his lips and his tear brimmed eyes are enough for an answer.


	8. Companion

Since we started going out, we always eat lunch together. At first, I wandered the hallways with my bento in hand, hoping that I would bump into Tezuka. But after some time, he was the one to come directly to my classroom to get me.

I always try to hide the obvious happiness that overcomes me when I see him waiting by my classroom door. It is as if I am always expecting him to break this unsaid promise, but am pleasantly surprised when he does not.

We quietly climb the stairs to the roof and walk to the corner we now call home. Its dull gray tiles and black fence grew on us over the days, becoming warmly familiar. We sit down to eat, occasionally exchanging a few words or letting the cool breeze fill in for the lack of them. It is only with Tezuka that I have ever found silence so comforting.

After we both finish eating, Tezuka picks up the brown, hard cover book by his side. As usual, he leans against the fence with legs out and starts to read. I lay down, resting my head on his legs and looking up at the book's cover. Tezuka must know by now how much I love watching him read. Sometimes he puts down his book and asks me if this is boring me. Again and again I say no.

This time, he asks me again. But since I am feeling brave, instead of saying no, I ask him to read to me. "I love your voice."

He quickly raises the book to hide his embarrassment. I can tell he is flustered since he has to clear his throat a few times before starting. I wonder if Tezuka has noticed, that even with the book covering his face, I can see his ears becoming slightly red.


	9. Move

They have gotten this far yet Tezuka is afraid of taking the next step. They are on his bed, in a house without parents. Why is he being so cautious? The first time they did it, everything flowed so easily. They both had followed their desires, engulfed by lust, and the deed was done. But now that Tezuka's mind is calmer and filled with consideration towards his lover, he moves with hesitation. He wants this to be special.

Fuji chuckles, caressing Tezuka's cheek with soft, thin hands, "I won't break, I promise." Fuji gently pulls Tezuka on top of himself as he lies down; his endlessly blue eyes staring straight into Tezuka's light brown ones.

They lovingly touch each other; lukewarm caresses slowly turning into searing grasps. They kiss until their tongues grow tired and continue kissing till their lips are bruised. Heated pants float about like puffs, adding to the stickiness of the air. Every part of their bodies tingles from anticipation, from love. "More."

Tezuka kisses a silent 'I love you' onto Fuji's forehead and then starts to enter him, closing his eyes to hold on to the bit of control he has left. Fuji buries his head in Tezuka's shoulder; he is drowning in the bittersweet mix of pain and pleasure. He weakly wraps his arms around Tezuka's neck and mouths the permission to move.

They soak up in each other, the bed's creaks becoming louder than Fuji's strangled moans. Their slow, loving pace speeds up, nearing an end. Fuji's nails dig into Tezuka's back as a flash of white rips through both their minds. And they sink into the bed together, exhausted.

Fuji melts into the contours of Tezuka's body, settling peacefully in his arms. He places his own silent 'I love you' onto Tezuka's chest; finally, they are one.


	10. Silver

I love taking off Tezuka's thin-rimmed glasses. His eyebrows furrow when I try to steal them from him and he says my name in a low voice that drips with annoyance. I smirk, knowing that I am the only person he would not truly get mad at. And I take them off, ignoring all of his weak resistance.

I stare at him, studying his face without those nerdy glasses. He looks less serious and automatically less cold. It seems that the glasses may be a vital pillar for his personality, how strange. I trace the shape of his glasses on his face while I think back on all the times I have seen him without them. Only images of his narrow-on-the-border-of-squinting stare, eyes clouding over with lust, appear in my head. He always takes his glasses off during sex, saying that if he keeps them on they will break, but complaining on how little he can see.

I touch the barely noticeable dent the glasses have made on his nose, a common occurrence among people with glasses. His soft gaze watches me curiously, as if challenging me to do something more.

I smile and give him a chaste kiss, licking my lips after; "Your glasses are always in the way."


	11. Prepared

Fuji had planned everything; the house is supposed to be empty. And here he is, trying to dominate the kiss while straddling Tezuka, forgetting all the worries in the world. But this blind dive into lust lasts only until he crashes head first into the pool floor; his room door flies open. And like all those caught red handed, they stop kissing just fast enough to catch Yumiko's eye-widened, shocked reaction. They pull away from each other like repelling magnets, fumbling out of their compromising position.

Tezuka sits down on the floor in seiza form, as if he is about to prostrate himself and ask for forgiveness. Even in this high-tension situation, Fuji has to stop himself from laughing at Tezuka. But he also sits down in a similar fashion, looking up at Yumiko to watch her reactions.

Yumiko's face has returned to normal, now a mix of hidden amusement and blatant curiosity. She has never been the type to judge anyone, especially her beloved younger brother. She looks at Tezuka, who by now has stopped bowing his head in shame, "Are you just playing around with him?" Fuji clenches his hands; this question always makes him unnecessarily nervous.

Tezuka shakes his head, looking directly into Yumiko's eyes, "I love him."

Tezuka has always been direct, but even Fuji is stirred by how confidently he said those three words. Fuji's cheeks slowly start to turn a light shade of pink and he covers his face with his hands, a bit embarrassed that Tezuka had confessed that to his sister before officially telling Fuji himself.

Yumiko smiles, "That's what I like to hear; have fun", and closes the door.

The two fall back on the floor, emotionally drained from the previous experience. Fuji sighs loudly, frustrated that they had been interrupted, "Let's not do it at my house anymore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you are enjoying the drabble series. Please show your love through comments!


	12. Knowledge

The third year of high school was determined to be hell but Fuji had not expected it to be this bad. He just wants to put himself on autopilot and wake up when it is all over and done with. And since all the seniors are busy, he can rarely catch a glimpse at his impeccable class president Tezuka. Well, except when he invites himself to Tezuka's house from lack of patience, believing Tezuka is too preoccupied to set up a meeting, date, or anything of the sort.

"Your mother loves me." Fuji rolls to his side, the bed already used to his body from the many times he has lain and tumbled around with Tezuka.

Tezuka looks up from the textbook he is studying, "It seems she does, especially since she lets you come in whether I am or am not at home."

Fuji watches Tezuka continue to burn holes into the book; he has been studying nonstop since they became seniors. Fuji is almost positive that he knows what college Tezuka wants to attend but he has always pushed it to the back of his mind, waiting for Tezuka to properly tell him. Maybe neither one of them wants to acknowledge that they will not necessarily be together in the future.

"Tezuka, you are applying to Tokyo U aren't you?"

Tezuka nods, avoiding Fuji's eyes, "Where are you applying?"

Fuji is not sure if it is his sadistic nature that has made him so obsessed with the extreme, but if he cannot constantly see Tezuka for the next few years, he rather not see him at all. It would hurt more to be kept on bay, waiting for the next time they could visit one another. "I am going to study in Paris..."

Tezuka's face shows surprise for a brief second, "I see..."

Fuji sighs as he buries his head in Tezuka's pillow, taking in his scent. Tezuka would never ask Fuji to come with him to Tokyo but if he did, Fuji would chase after him till the ends of the earth.


	13. Denial

"Why don't we break up at the end of graduation? "

Tezuka tries to keep his resolve strong; he doesn't want his voice to give away his true feelings. He has thought long and hard about where to take his relationship with Fuji, and this is the best option he came up with.

Fuji's voice cracks but he keeps an icy smile on his face, "Wow, you sure have thought ahead. Are you tired of me already? "

Tezuka's heart clenches, he knows that Fuji is only using this facade to hide how much pain he is going through. He sighs, already weary from the clash between his heart and reason, "I will never grow tired of you."

"But you want to end it at graduation? You are telling me now to prepare me, aren't you?"

Tezuka looks into Fuji's eyes, they seem to hold a thousand sea-blue thunderstorms, " I'm doing this because I love you."

Fuji covers his face, hidden tears dripping down, "If you really loved me, you would let me be ignorant till the end. I just want to enjoy the little time we have, pretending as if we will always be together."

"I can't do that." Tezuka pulls Fuji into an embrace, "Because I couldn't bare seeing you crumble when it all comes crashing down."

 


	14. Wind

After discovering that these blissful feelings I share with Tezuka will be cut short, I find the wind to be eerily cold. Even with my dreaded spring approaching and the sun endlessly shining, I always get chills.

The worst part is that my body is rejecting Tezuka. I now tremble, as if with fear, every time he touches me. My body and mind understand that the longer we continue holding on to each other, the harder it will be at the end. But my heart still longs for him even as the rest of me pushes him away.

And we continue on till that destined day, desiring each other while hoping for time to stop. I want to feel the gentle caresses of the wind once more.


	15. Order

"So graduation is tomorrow, huh?" Fuji says absent-mindedly. He rolls to his side, facing the plain white wall and giving Tezuka his back. They had decided to spend the night together; it is their last chance to embrace one another before they have to part ways. Fuji knew it would only fill him with bitterness and pain, but he agreed anyway, his heart conquering his reason.

Tezuka stands by the bed and runs his hand along the contour of Fuji's body, "You aren't trembling like you were before."

Fuji sits up and locks eyes with Tezuka, "I've given up trying to protect my heart from shattering tomorrow, and it seems my body has decided to agree with that decision."

Tezuka's eyes are overcast with pain, almost turning a shade darker. His eyebrows furrow and seem to say that he too is going to crumble tomorrow, his heart freezing over to run from the agony. "I love you."

Fuji shakes his head, breaking the eye contact to stare down at his lap, "Don't say it. Tell me you hate me, that all of this was just for fun."

"Shuusuke..."

Fuji's eyes brim with tears, it is the first time Tezuka has called him by his first name. But at this moment that low voice sounds so weak, almost making Fuji's name sound like a plead. They are hurting each other with those red threads of love, the small cuts slowly amounting to fatal wounds. "Don't call out to me, not with that voice."

Tezuka sits on the bed, hugging Fuji from behind, "Shuusuke...hurt me as much as I'm hurting you. Scream at me, hit me, anything..."

Fuji turns around, giving Tezuka a broken smile, "But this is what hurts you the most, isn't it?" Fuji pushes Tezuka down, crawling on top of him, "It would hurt you more if I treat you lovingly; the guilt will eat you inside-out."

Tezuka cups Fuji's tear stained cheek, "You are right, this hurts more...because you are forcing yourself. Hate me, it'll make it easier for you."

Fuji's eyes glaze over and softly hits Tezuka's chest, " Hate you? How?! If I could, I would. And where does that leave you; what are you going to do with your love for me? "

"Hold onto it until it kills me."

"Then why?!" Fuji lies down next to Tezuka, his back to him again, "Why am I the only one who has to let go? Why do I have to hate you?"

"Since you came along I have lost all order in my life; I'm a mess now. I can never go back to the way I was, and I can never love another. But you can Fuji...you are full of love and one day you will meet someone who will never let go of you."

"Kunimitsu..." Fuji feels cold, as if the warm love that once enshrouded him is evaporating, "Hug me."

Tezuka pulls Fuji close, wrapping his arm around Fuji's thin waist. They do not speak. They just lie there in silence, basking in each other's heat. This is all they need right now, an affirmation that the other is alive. They listen to the soft thumping of their hearts, each hoping to make it out of this in one piece.

 


	16. Thanks

Everyone had left a while ago. They had taken their pictures, cried, hugged, laughed, and then left without a trace. The only proof of their existence is empty classrooms with human warmth still lingering.

But we are still here, and have been standing like this for quite some time. I keep trying to get the words out of my throat but the moment I see Shuusuke flinch, they are pulled back in. He will not face me anymore; it seems he is trying to forget about me even as I stand here. But I think I am more scared of separation than he is. Shuusuke has melted the iceberg that I so masterfully sculpted around me; my heart has nowhere to run to. And although I try to freeze my feelings solid, cool the passion that has overcome me, I just keep melting.

"You don't have to force yourself to say it, I get it already."

"Shuusuke...I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, "I told you, don't say that."

I tip his chin up, "I love you."

He gives me a small smile, closing the distance between us with a gentle kiss, "Thank you...for everything." He pulls away and turns around, "This is it."

I sigh and close my eyes, too afraid to watch Shuusuke walk away.


	17. Look

There are plenty of things to see in Paris. During my first few months I would carry my camera everywhere I went, it never left my side. Although I was hurting inside, photography helped me heal and kept me busy. But as things lost their taste of new and I settled into my environment, the pain made its way back. The numbness that had protected me at the beginning has now worn off and I'm left bare, exposed to my own murderous emotions.

And it is no longer just a desire to see Kunimitsu; it is an immense desire to be back at home. I never expected to be this homesick, but one doesn't know how important something is until they lose it. But I am lucky enough to be able to get it back; I have not lost anything yet. And it took a trip all the way to Paris for me to realize this.

I am grateful for my time in Paris, it has taught me things I would not have learned in Japan. But this isn't home, it can never be.


	18. Summer

It seems a year apart has made us more reasonable, less extreme. We don't have to wait four years to see each other, or more like we would not survive four years without seeing each other. I realized this midway through my freshman year, when my desire to see Shuusuke was driving me insane. We had avoided any contact but I gave in and called him, needing to hear his voice. He picked up the phone, his voice sounding husky and tired, and whispered a questioning "Kunimitsu?" I realized that we had a considerable time difference and that I had definitely woken him up. I stumbled on my words while trying to apologize, feeling that same embarrassed frustration I felt when I first confessed to him. He just laughed, his voice sounding as gentle and musical as I remembered it.

"I want to see you."

There is a pause; I know he is considering whether or not he should say what he is thinking. It is a flaw to his facade that even he hasn't noticed, something that makes the close observer question the validity of his following statement.

"So do I...I am dying to see you. This separation thing is horrible when mixed with home sickness."

"I am planning to go visit you."

"What? You are planning to come to Paris?"

"Yes but only if you are willing to host me."

I could hear a spark of happiness in Shuusuke's voice, "I would love to. Are you coming this summer? "

"Yeah, during my break from school. We will discuss the details as summer gets closer. I will let you sleep now, since I know I woke you up."

"As if I could get back to sleep after you told me all this."

I chuckle; he has not changed a bit. "Shuusuke...I love you."

"I love you too…"

I did not want to hang up, "Sleep well."

"Bye." And the line went dead.

I already knew that the months till summer would be unbearable.


	19. Transformation

Fuji certainly looks different from before. His hair falls below his shoulders, tied to the side in a loose ponytail. His overall demeanor is artistic and chic; Paris has treated him very well. Most obvious of all, he has become even more beautiful. Tezuka cannot help but to be at loss for words in front of his Paris-enhanced, radiating beauty.

"You are burning a hole through me, Kunimitsu."

Tezuka chuckles, amused by his own lack of subtleness, "You look amazing."

Fuji smirks, "Why thank you. You've gotten even more attractive yourself. These black framed glasses look really good on you." Fuji had never thought that Tezuka would be able to part from his signature thin-rimmed glasses. But now it is obvious that even Tezuka, who seems never changing, is susceptible to change.

It should not be surprising. Fuji is well aware that everything goes through phases, evolving and devolving on their own accord. Especially the feelings he shares with Tezuka, which seem to have the tenacity of a salesman.

Their love has turned into something uncontrollable, a tiger held in a cage for far too long. Both of them are surprised at how anxious their lips feel, longing to steal a kiss from the other. Their fingers tingle, wanting to caress warm skin. Time has molded them for each other, heightening their lust and transforming them into attracting magnets.

Even throughout all these months, it is obvious from the glint in their eyes that the love is still there. In fact, it is stronger than ever.


	20. Tremble

It has been so long. Fuji's body is overheating, reacting the same way it did the first time they had sex. He cannot stop himself from trembling, not because his body rejects Tezuka, but because his body desires him too strongly. Every touch, every caress sends bolts of red lightning down both their spines. Everything is addictively electrifying, a weightless, cloud filled high.

They have lost count of how many times they have done it. It does not matter because it is not nearly enough. Their thirst is unquenchable; a year of acidic lust exponentially adds up. Fuji's loud moans resonate through the room, slipping into every nook and cranny. He begs for more after every round and even when they get to the point that he has lost his voice, Tezuka knows to continue. They both want to completely exhaust themselves. They need to inject every ounce of their love into one another, a dose large enough to last until the next time they meet.

Their last round ends with white fading to black and their consciousness leaving them. They sleep peacefully, their short-term worries completely erased.


	21. Sunset

Today I woke with wonderful inspiration etched on my mind and body. Though my body felt as if it was going to crumble, I slipped out of bed and walked to where my canvas and paint was set up. It was a shame to not stare at Kunimitsu's sleeping face for a while longer but I had to paint before the feelings left me. After picking my brushes and preparing my color palette, I closed my eyes and envisioned everything that happened last night. I let my mind glaze over the memories and picked the moment that sparked more than the rest. I let the feelings during that slice of the lust and magic bleed onto the canvas. My fingers oozed different hues of oranges and pinks.

My brush had a mind of its own, taking artistic license over my heart's orders. It drew broad shoulders jutting from the corner of the canvas, a silhouette I know all too well. But behind those shoulders that bear so much, was an enchanting sunset. I had never cared much for the setting sun but this image seemed so right to me, as if that mild radiance was made to enshroud Kunimitsu.

"What are you doing painting at this time?"

I jumped a bit, Kunimitsu's voice jerked my attention away from the painting, "I felt inspired." My voice came out as a quiet, husky sound.

Kunimitsu smirked, "I guess it'll take more than a little sleep to recover your voice. Especially after all that screaming you did yesterday."

"Oh shut up." I felt my cheeks growing red; he was such a smart-ass sometimes.

"Who is this?"

"You. I painted a moment in which I could see the sun setting while we were having sex. I was surprised by how natural it looks for you to be surrounded by light."

"Of course it is natural; I am always surrounded by light."

I crossed my arms, "Really now? Where is it?"

Kunimitsu smiled and pointed at me, "Right here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW, I AM SUCH A SAP.


	22. Mad

Those were a blissful few days. Most of their time was spent in each other's arms, whispering quiet words of love. The rest was spent touring Paris, eating at Fuji's favorite restaurants. They clung to each other's company as if never letting go, yet knowing that they had to in a few days.

And that day was today.

Fuji had dreaded the trip to the airport enough to contemplate turning off the alarm. He dawdled and took his time, secretly wishing that Tezuka missed his flight. These actions would cause Tezuka to smile and chuckle, he found it extremely cute of Fuji. But even with all the time wasted and detours, they made it to the airport well on time. And even though they both wanted to stop time forever, they knew they had responsibilities on the outside world to take care of.

Fuji held Tezuka's hand all the way up to the entry gate, ignoring all the weird looks they were getting. He did not want to let go; he wanted this hand to pull him along wherever it went.

They stood in silence for some time. Fuji was determined to not let him leave in a peaceful note; those never have a lasting effect. He needed something that would prick Tezuka's mind, and remind him of Fuji's existence with every breath.

"I hope you know that I am coming home soon…for good."

Tezuka's eyes widened, "You are kidding right? It's only been a year."

"A year is enough, I've already gained so much knowledge here. And most importantly, I miss you and I miss Japan."

"You can't be so fickle. You made this decision, you should stick by it."

"I can't help that I'm weak! I did not know how hard it would be to be away from you, from home, from everything. But obviously you were perfectly fine without me, since it doesn't even cheer you up one bit that I might be going back."

Tezuka sighed, rubbing the back of Fuji's hand with his thumb, "Of course I wasn't fine Shuusuke but I'm willing to endure it just as you can chase your dream. Please do not make hasty decisions solely based on emotions."

Fuji let go of Tezuka's hand, "Well sorry that my emotions dictate my life, I have not yet perfected my façade like you have."

"Shuusuke…"

"It's fine Kunimitsu. I'll think about it more and tell you if I have changed my mind."

"Okay. Make sure to call me every now and then."

Fuji's eyebrows furrowed, the farewells were starting, "I will. Now go, before you miss your flight." Fuji's body felt heavy, as if the glow that surrounded him when he was with Tezuka was leaving him.

Tezuka gave Fuji a kiss on the forehead, "I love you."

Fuji forced a laugh, "Tell me that next time I see you."

Tezuka turned and walked past the gate and towards the waiting area off in the distance. Fuji's vision started to blur with tears, "So this is how it feels to watch someone walk away…"


	23. Thousand

If it takes ten thousand hours to master something, then Kunimitsu and I are only on the thousandth hour. Even with all these years we have spent loving each other, we have not learned much. We are still too considerate, to the point of doing more harm than good. We hide our selfishness within our selflessness, not wanting to be hated by the other. Yet, we hypocritically want the other to be selfish. We are much too alike in our thoughts. One would think that this is only beneficial to our relationship but the problem lies in the fact that we deny our feelings. And with our emotions hidden, we act on opposite feelings and a fake, considerate mindset we forced on ourselves.

My relationship with Kunimitsu is complicated. It seems we still need those nine thousand hours to develop honesty.


	24. Outside

"Happy New Years."

Though his voice sounds happy, it is glazed with slight pain and longing. I know how much he wants to be here with me and with his family. I shiver; the sweater I am wearing is a bit too light to wear outside, even for the terrace. I stare up at the clear, deep blue sky, my warm breath turning white in the icy air.

"How are you guys celebrating the new year over there in Paris?"

"Just drinking at a friend's house, nothing special."

"You miss the Japanese New Years? "

Shuusuke laughs, "Yes, unbearably so. Can't you teleport me some mochi?"

I lean my head against the wooden pillar; it feels so good to hear his voice. "I wish I could. You want me to airmail you some? It would be my belated Christmas gift to you…I'll also add some other things I was thinking of sending you."

"But that would be expensive and troublesome. It's fine, I can do without it."

Again, here he is being unnecessarily considerate. "We need to stop being so selfless Shuusuke…let me spoil you a bit. If it makes you feel better, after you get my packet you can send me something back from Paris."

"Okay, deal. But what are these 'other things' you want to send me?"

I feel myself smiling, "Nothing, it is a secret."

"Hmm, suspicious. Okay, I won't push the matter any further and let you surprise me."

"Why, thank you."

His voice becomes really quiet, "…Kunimitsu"

"Yeah?"

"I still want to go back home. I want to be able to see you everyday…I hate feeling so lonely."

"I know Shuusuke, I know. I just don't want you to have any regrets. You are stronger than this."

"I think you are overestimating me."

"I'm not, you are incredibly determined."

He sighs, resigning, "Your complete trust in my nonexistent abilities always amazes me."

"That's good, I don't want to bore you. But really, just give all of this a bit more time. Make your decision after you receive my packet."

Shuusuke's tone lightens, "How is mochi going to change my mind? Unless you are referring to the 'other things'."

"You will see."

"Fine, fine. I'll wait. Oh, wait a moment." He starts speaking in French; there is a snippet of French music in the background. "I'm back."

"What was that?"

"My friends were just wondering if I want to go clubbing with them. I said no though."

"No, no, say yes. Go and have fun."

"But I want to stay here talking to you."

"I promise I'll call you tomorrow, so please go have fun. Do it for me."

"Fine, but you better call me tomorrow."

"I will, usual time."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too, enjoy yourself."

With that the line goes dead, and all I am left with is a warm cellphone to keep the shivers away.


	25. Winter

All this time away from home has made winter my favorite season. I love the way everything turns so cold that you lose your senses to the pristine whiteness. It can even numb feelings, keeping them cocooned inside until you are free to unleash them. I can bear with my desire to see Kunimitsu a little longer because of the ice chips holding me up, frozen, like a statue. But with winter you also lose color, flavor, and golden hued warmth. With your rough skin frozen to the touch, nothing sinks in. Not even the tiniest bits of happiness. I have never tasted something so bitter as a lonely winter in Paris.

 


	26. Diamond

All he was expecting was the New Year's mochi and the typical random things people put in packets, like pictures or a souvenir. And he did get all this, but to his surprise there was a small, thin, glass bottle bound in bubble wrap. He cut off the bubble wrap and removed the cork, taking out the rolled-up note inside. Although this unusually romantic gesture had brought a cheesy smile to his face in the beginning, his eyes widened when he noticed that there was a ring keeping the paper in a roll. He slid the expensive-looking ring off the paper and examined it. It was a beautiful silver band with small diamonds encrusted in the front. In a panic, he unrolled the paper, hoping to see a proper explanation. But all he got was, "Marry me?"


	27. Letters

When I saw Shuusuke's name flash across the screen of my phone, butterflies rustled like leaves in my stomach. I was feeling a strange mix of anxiety and excitement bubbling inside me. I pressed the talk button and heard a panicked voice flowing through.

"Are you serious?"

"Do I not even get a 'hello' or 'I miss you'?"

"Kunimitsu, I never knew you'd be one to play pranks."

"I am not playing", I said in my most serious tone.

"...you are crazy."

"Yes, crazy over you. Or is this your way of saying you don't feel the same?"

Shuusuke sighs, "It's not that I don't feel the same...I'm just shocked. This is a huge commitment."

"I know it is, I've thought about all of this for some time now."

"Where would we even get married, if you forgot, we can't get legally married in Japan."

"San Francisco. We'd go there after you finish your last year in Paris."

"So remind me again, how would this convince me to stay in Paris?"

"Don't you want to test how strong our love is? If you can't commit to finishing your four years in Paris, how are you going to be able to commit to a life with me?"

"I don't know Kunimitsu...you are throwing a lot at me right now. I need time."

"And you'll have it, as much time as you need. I'm sorry to overwhelm you like this."

"I found the whole note in the bottle thing cute...I'll wear the ring when I make my final decision."

"I was trying this new thing called being romantic. And hopefully you'll be wearing it when I go to visit you again."

"Maybe I will."

"Shuusuke, don't push yourself. I will never doubt your love for me so don't be afraid to say no. If it's easier, you can send me your answer through email or a letter. Just don't feel pressured to say yes just because you want to see me happy."

"I promise I'll make my decision solely based on what I want."

"Good. Marriage or not, I'll stay by your side until I die."

"You need to stop being so sappy with that serious voice of yours, it is so embarrassing."

"You are just trying to hide the fact that you love my rare sappiness."

"Yes, yes, you caught me. I turn red as a tomato from the glee your sappiness gives me", he said in his most sarcastic voice.

I smiled to myself, enjoying the sweet sound of Shuusuke's voice, "Well…I should let you go before I get the sudden urge to fly over there. I need to give you space to think about all of this."

"Thank you."

"Well-"

"Kunimitsu?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, and I miss you so much."

"Me too, there isn't a moment I don't think of you. I love you, please take care of yourself."

"I will, bye."

The suffocating emptiness following every call engulfed me again. How many times have I felt this again? I have lost count. But this time, the emptiness brought a cloud of pitch-black anxiety. Who knew eight letters, marriage, could be read so differently from person to person. An unwanted knife of doubt slowly dug into my stomach, telling me that I was going to receive a two-letter answer.


	28. Promise

As Tezuka folds his laundry with peculiar attentiveness, he hears the familiar chime of a new email in his inbox. He routinely pulls his hopes down, for every time he hears that sound, they airballoon towards the ceiling. It has been almost three weeks since he's heard the musical tone of Fuji's voice. But Tezuka has resolutely given him all the space he needs, leaving it up to Fuji to make the decision solely based on his own thoughts and desires. Tezuka sinks into his black desk chair and clicks on his inbox, his eyes glimmering when he sees the sender's name. He scrolls down to the email:

How my heart will freeze

till the blooming spring arrives,

the red strings of love

keeping me bound for the sake

of that beautiful promise.

I have always wanted to write a reply like they did in the Heian period~That is my little bit of romanticism for you, hope you enjoy the picture.

-Love you, Shuusuke

Below the quirky message there was a picture of a hand Tezuka knew all to well, wearing the silver marriage ring. Finally, the answer Tezuka has been waiting for. Yes.


	29. Simple

This is all they have ever needed. Pacific blue orbs linked to hazel ones and any form of shared body heat, an affirmation that they are alive. Fuji squeezes Tezuka's hand, his eyes brimming with four years worth of pained tears. "I do." They have made it all the way here, a struggle up a very steep hill. They fought, loved, hurt, but most definitely matured. Their bonds bent, stretched, but endured, only growing stronger like bones do after being fractured. Love has made them so beautiful, giving them radiance unmatched in brightness.

The priest happily thunders, "I now pronounce you married! If you wish to seal this marriage with a kiss, you may do so."

Tezuka gently pulls Fuji closer, his eyes shinning with joy. He cups Fuji's cheek and they share a soft, yet passion filled kiss. They separate and embrace each other, Tezuka's cheeks hurting a bit by how uncontrollably wide he is smiling. They thank the priest and as they walk of the little church Tezuka whispers into Fuji's ear, "Now for the honeymoon."

Fuji laughs, giving Tezuka's ear a slight tug, "Stop having dirty thoughts while in the house of god."

"I can't help myself, you look amazing in that white suit. It is too tempting."

Fuji smirks, "Well it would be a lie if I said I didn't want to strip that black suit off if you, it is such a turn on."

Tezuka chuckles, "So, hotel next? "

"It is only midday, but what the heck, it's not like we haven't done this before."

Tezuka intertwines his fingers with Fuji's, "I love you so much, I wish I could tell the whole world."

"Well, if you scream loud enough I am sure they would be able to hear you."

"Why do you find the need to destroy my romantic confessions with sarcasm? "

Suddenly a grin spreads across Tezuka's face and his eyes glint mischievously. "I LOVE FUJI SHUUSUKE!" He screams out as loud as he can. People around them stop to observe what the strange Japanese couple is doing.

Fuji turns bright red, rushing to cover Tezuka's mouth, "Stop Kunimitsu! It is embarrassing…"

"Well, you asked for it." He takes Fuji's hands off his mouth and kisses them, "I'll make sure to tell you every day how much I love you. Until you hear it so many times that even when I am not around, my voice rings in your ears."

Fuji looks away, unable to keep staring into Tezuka's passionate eyes, "I can't take this new romantic side of yours; all this sappiness is turning my knees weak."

"Then would you like me to carry you bridal style to the hotel?"

Fuji waves his arms around, "Oh no. Don't even try Kunimitsu. I swear I'll punch you."

Tezuka chuckles, "I'm fine with just holding hands then."

Fuji takes Tezuka's hand and they make their way towards the hotel, "You are so easily pleased."

"Yeah, I'd be happy anywhere just as long as you are with me."

Fuji gives Tezuka's hand another squeeze, he cannot help but wonder when loving each other became so easy, so simple.


	30. Future

We had always lied in bed embracing each other, sharing body heat and laughter. We would share hopes of a future together, sunset tinted dreams, and skyscraper tall aspirations. But even while being so young and naive, we each had deep rooted doubts of such a happy future. Even as we clung to each other in that so distant past, we never knew such a blissful future was possible.

"Bochi, stop chewing on that!" Shuusuke rushes to the get our black Labrador away from his flowers. That dog seriously never learns.

"Maybe he is jealous that you pay more attention to your garden than you do to him. I know I feel that way. "

Shuusuke's laughter blends beautifully with the colorful scenery, " I do not. You both just like being spoiled. Flowers are more delicate than you two boys."

I put down the latest Murakami novel I am reading and pat my lap, "Come here Bochi, momma doesn't love us. We can sulk together." The dog comes running to me, his bright blue eyes staring up at me. I pet his head, running my hands through his silky, thick coat. "He has your eyes Shuusuke, I think that is why I had such a sudden urge to buy him."

Shuusuke sits on my lap and plays with Bochi 's ears, "He has your stubbornness though." He grins, "Maybe innately you knew you two would have a lot in common."

I pinch his cheek, "How rude" and let my hand rest on it. He places his thin hand on top of mine as if to harness the warmth. He fully opens his eyes, revealing those enchanting Pacific blue orbs I fell in love with. He leans towards me, his soft lips gently meeting mine. As we kiss I can smellthe sakura-scented wind and feel Shuusuke's honey locks on my fingertips. Dear past selves, this is what bliss tastes like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is all folks. I hope you enjoyed it!


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